Monthly Archives: March 2013

FB Status Update: Early Easter Surprise

Every Easter, I always notice the plastic eggs with treats inside of them.

I think it’s supposed to remind us of new life and how Jesus overcame death.

Perhaps, opening the plastic eggs alludes to how they opened the cave to Jesus’ tomb.

Well, today I received a really early easter surprise.

Don’t know what I ate, but I felt nature calling to me while I was waiting for Hoang at church.

Nature was yelling blatantly to me, “NUMBER TWOOOOO! NOWWW.”

Rushed into the men’s restroom and saw three stalls.

Naturally I’m not picky when I’m in a rush, because beggars can’t be choosers right?

The first two stalls were same size, but the last one was two times bigger.

You may not realize this, but spaciousness counts a lot in these type of situations.

With all the splashing and dunking that goes on, you want plenty of room to maneuver yourself around.

Don’t want to get yourself mixed up in the cross-fire.

Plus, a larger stall equals a larger air space which ultimately means better circulation.

Last time I checked, oxygen is pretty high on our basic human needs list.

So naturally, I skipped the first two stalls and reached for the third stall.

As, I closed into the third stall, I noticed the door was slightly open.

Thinking to myself, “This is so perfect. Door slightly open. Gotta be empty. Hopefully, the guy before me flushed and cleaned after himself. If so, I can make a smooth landing and unload all my cargo.”

I push the door open and hear someone say: “This stall’s occupied!”

I look up and see an old man, pants down, with hand over the restricted area.

A couple of thoughts just bounced crazily in my head:

“My virgin eyes! Why this? Why now?”

“Doesn’t this man know how to use the lock on the door?”

“Is there a dead animal in here?”

Realizing, I’ve been staring at him too long.

I say, “Ohhh sorry” and leave.

I contemplate going into the smaller stall, but find my brain still imprinted with the image of the old man on the toilet with his pants down.

Conflicted over the thought: “Argh! This is too awkward. I can’t be in the same restroom as this man. It feels so un-natural.”

I make a mad dash to the nearest restroom and do what I gotta do … in peace.

Later on, I realized that, “Hey! That experience represents Easter for me. Kids open a plastic egg and get a surprise. I open a stall door and get a surprise.”

But in my case, I really wished my egg was empty.

#SoWrongOnSoManyDifferentLevels
#NotAllSurprisesArePleasant
#MyVirginEyesAreTainted
#BeggarsCantBeChoosers
#PerhapsGodIsTellingMeSomething

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FB Status Update: Wrongly Accused

Yesterday, decided to go shower.

Grabbed my clothes and dropped them in the bathroom.

Realized, I needed to look up something on internet so went out again.

Dad roamed into the same bathroom. Potty time.

After he leaves, I give it a good 30 mins for the odor to dissipate.

Walk in and realized my clothes disappeared …

“Did I bring it out when I checked my internet?”

Checked my laptop, no clean clothes.

“Hmm, maybe my dad thought it was dirty clothes and threw it in the hamper.”

Checked hamper, no clean clothes.

Checked my room, no clean clothes.

Checked my lil’ bro Nghia Nguyen’s room, found my clean clothes.

Got me thinking.

Apparently, my dad assumed that since the clothes were on the ground in the bathroom THAT they must be dirty.

And then he thought, who in the house leaves dirty clothes laying around the floor all the time?

Obviously, not Thao (me). He is too neat, tedious, and mature.

Has to be Nghia. Only that son could be capable of such monstrosity. I should dis-own. That will teach him to throw dirty laundry on the floor.

Why can’t he be more like Thao!

(Since we are on the topic of being wrongly accused. Last week, I took Nghia to the hospital when he told me, “Something smells weird in your car. Did you fart?” I really appreciate the fact that you attribute all un-identifable, weird-smelling stank to me. I AM capable of exuding pleasant aroma. I just choose not to exude it.)

#GuiltyUntilProvenInnocent
#JumpingToConclusions
#DirtyLaundry
#UnidentifiableSmells
#NoIDidNotFart

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Gay Marriage Vs Divorce

Original Post:  http://imgur.com/7vOQBPt

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FB Status Update: Booty Bumping

I was reading an e-book in my car when all of a sudden my whole car started to shake.

My first reaction was, “Oh sh*t, earthquake!!!”

Then I realized I’m in Texas and Texans don’t do earthquakes, we do tornadoes and hail.

I looked in the rearview mirror and saw this mini-van all up against my rear bumper.

“Oh great, someone just booty bumped me. Well their loss is my gain. Either we settle with cash or I’m going to get myself a brand new rear bumper.”

I wait until they park. No way am I endangering my life by walking out there while they’re still behind the wheel.

If they can’t avoid my Toyota Matrix, what makes you think they’ll avoid me?

I wait … they drive up a lil’ and I noticed it’s an Asian lady.

I wait even more … she backs up again.

“Are you serious? Do you want bump me again? Is this a game to you, you sick Asian lady?”

This time she manages not to hit me, and I realize the only reason she reversed again was to survey the damage.

She has the nerve to check out my damaged goods. Apparently she doesn’t see any real damage done and about to speed away.

I realized, “Oh crap!!! She’s going to make a getaway. If I’m ever going to make her responsible, I’d better get out now.”

Despite knowing exactly what to do, I didn’t do it. I stayed in my car and watched her go.

Here is the reason why:

A long time ago, when I was really young, unapologetically stupid, and extremely good looking. When all I ever did was drugs and sleep around with amazingly good-looking super-models.

I think it was about two weekends ago …

I too was a hit-and-runner. I was making a turn and scratched the side of my Toyota Matrix against the rear bumper of a huge truck. Of course the truck was un-damaged.

I could’ve left a note, but I didn’t. I was too scared. I just surveyed the damage like the Asian Lady and made a run for it. Lucky for me no one was around.

Perhaps this is karma. Now I know how it feels to have somebody ram their thing up my rear.

It’s not a pleasant feeling, I tell you!

Well at least I’ve finally found my closure. I can finally move on with my life now.

#NotEveryoneEnjoysItUpTheRear
#KarmaReallyDoesExistExclamationPoint
#LateNightConfessionsWithThao
#OfficiallyTraumatizedFromDriving
#CarsShouldHaveDiapersToProtectTheirRearsFromAccidents

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FB Status Update: Dishwashing Drama

(One week ago)

Me and my mom got into it recently.

It was over a dish drying rack.

I had bought one at Wal-mart for $5 dollars and this is what happened when I brought it into her kitchen.

Mom: Why did you buy that for?
Me: Because we broke our dishwasher and now we need a new place to dry our dishes for when I’m done washing them!

(background story … like most traditional Vietnamese families, we have a dishwasher, but we never use it. We HAND WASH everything. We use our dishwasher to dry our dishes after we hand wash them. Oh joy.)

Mom: Well, didn’t I say we’re going to get a new dishwasher soon? Why waste $5 dollars when we don’t need it?
Me: Mom, you said we were going to get a new dishwasher 6 months ago. How about I return the dish drying rack when you get a new dishwasher?

(When parents say they’ll buy something soon that will make your life easier, what they’re really thinking is “Why waste $500 dollars when Thao does an excellent job for free.”)

Mom: Fine. Leave it over there. I’m going to make you eat your words, when I buy that new dishwasher!
Me: Fine!

(Ok … my mom didn’t actually say “I’ll make you eat your words”, but that’s what she would’ve said if she knew what it meant!)

I walked into the house today and notice that MY dish drying rack is being used. Woohohoho, my mom finally caved in and used my dish drying rack.

This is usually a time to practice humility and perhaps just let it go. No need to rub it all in my mom’s face just because I’m right for once. Plus it’s Lent, try giving up the need to always be right.

And then it dawned on me … I’ll give up the need to always be right … next year! What a great idea!

Me: Mom! Why are there clean dishes on my dish drying rack?

(Mom already has a dirty look because she knows I got my troll face on. Nothing good ever occurs when I got my troll face on.)

Mom: Well, it was just sitting on the other table doing nothing. I figure, why not put it to use.
Me: But, but … how will I return it if you already used it?

(I’m not letting my mom off that easily … )

Mom: Well, I saved you a trip back to Wal-mart, didn’t I?
Me: Mom, you are so thoughtful … always thinking about what’s best for me.

(Finally let my mom off the hook … she did give birth to me you know!)

This post is dedicated to Mary Nguyen, because she enjoys the drama that happens between me and my mom.

And now introducing the infamous dish drying rack!

#YouGoingToHellForThat
#BabyMommaDramaBetweenTheBabyAndTheMomma
#TooLongDidntReadAintNobodyGotTimeForThat
#ThingsImNotGivingUpForLent
#TeamIWashAllMyDishesByHand
#WeShouldGiveThatUpForLentNextYear
#TrollFaceForTheWin

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Movie Review: Crying Fist

***Spoiler Alert***

Synopsis:

The story revolves around two men who find salvation in boxing.

One of the man is a former boxing silver medalist.  He hasn’t has the opportunity to adjust to the grind of daily life.  His wife wants to leave him and his son is disappointed in him.

He goes to the town square to offer himself as a punching bag for anyone who needs to expend some stress for money.

He learns of a light-weight competition which re-invigorates him into training hard for the tournament.

The other man is a drop-out who gets into fights, steals money, and gets into nothing but trouble.

One day while robbing a man, he kills him and is sent to prison.

In prison, he quickly finds that he has this temper and the only way to channel all this negative energy is through boxing.

While in prison, his dead dies which drives him even more into boxing because it’s the only thing he is ever good at that isn’t frowned upon.

In a way, he wants to prove himself to his dead father.

He hears of a light-weight boxing tournament and decides to sign-up.

Both men meet each other in the finals and go toe to toe for all 10 rounds.

In the end, the prisoner wins the match.

Final Thoughts:

Introspective movie on how finding a passion can drive anyone out of their hell.

Both men are hitting lows in their lives, but climb out with the help of boxing.

Boxing is a medium for both men to challenge themselves and their demons.

Everyone has shit happens to them, but the question is how does one rise above all this shit?

This movie answers that question.

Ratings:

5/5

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Movie Review: Friends

***Spoiler Alert***

Synopsis:

Four close friends who grow into different roles after different phases of life.  One is the gangster, one is a wanna-be gangster, the other is a nerd, and the last one is a class clown.

In one phase, the leader is weak from drug addiction while everyone looks after him.

In another, the leader puts down the wanna-be gangster in favor of the nerd.  The nerd and the leader is always on good terms.  They have a very special relationship that draws opposites together in the world.

As time passes by, both the leader and the wanna-be gangster move up in the underworld.  With the wanna-be gangster letting all the power get to his head to the point where he starts getting cocky around the leader.

The leader respects their friendship and doesn’t hold grudges against the wanna-be gangster, but when the wanna-be gangster goes overboard, the leader sends people to finish him off.

He regrets this decision and confesses to the court that he killed his own friend.

Final Thoughts:

I enjoyed the movie because of how the movie covers different time periods of these four friends as they grow from adolescent to teenagers to young adults to adults.

There is always some kind of politics and group dynamics ruling how the group congregate.

At times people are put down.  Other times they are backed up and supported.  Other times they rise above the stereotypes of their own group to create a name for themselves.

One aspect that is always a constant is the relationship between the nerd and the leader.  There seems to be a focus there and because there is a focus there, it is easier to grow fond of them.

Ratings:

5/5

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Movie Review: Brotherhood of War

***Spoiler Alert*

Synopsis:

Two close brothers who are enrolled into Southern Korean Army are forced to protect each other at all costs.

The older brother makes a deal with the Sergeant, that if he gets a Medal of Honor, the Sergeant sends the little brother back to the family.

This is a catch-22 because the only way the older brother can get a Medal of Honor is by volunteering for dangerous missions that require great risks.

If he doesn’t do it, either brothers or both may die.  If he goes, he may die, but at least it will guarantee that one of them will get to go home.

After countless attempts of bravery, the older brother is promoted and granted seniority.  Quickly he allows the power to get to his head, when he starts to abuse his power.

This drives the younger brother crazy, because he feels that he is the cause of this change in his brother.

The younger brother wishes his older brother can become his former self again.

As the war progresses, both brothers start to bump heads because the younger brother disagrees in the way the older brother is running the show.

One day they both come home to find out the older brother’s fiance is being questioned by Southern Army officials.  They accuse of her siding with the Northern army and threaten to execute her.

Both brothers infiltrate the compound in hopes of rescuing her.  They both end up getting caught, while the fiance is executed.  While being held captive the Northern Army comes and attacks their compound.  The older brother pleads the leading Southern officer to let his younger brother go from prison.  The officer orders the prison to be burned down.

After the Northern army takes over, the older brother searches the burnt prison for signs of his younger brother.  He finds a burned corpse with a pen that was given to him before the war.  He assumes the younger brother is dead and vows to oppose the South, because they took the lives of his brother and fiance.

We find out the younger brother was actually rescued by soldier in his former company.  By this time, everyone hear’s about how the older brother has joined the Northern Army in order to exact his revenge on the Southern Army.

The younger brother vows to find his older brother, hoping that finding out the truth will change his brother’s views and return back to the South.

They find each other during a battle between the North and South, and the older brother protects his younger brother once again as he shoots the Northern Army while his younger brother is escaping.

Final Thoughts:

This movie is on the outside the war between North & South Korea, but underneath it is mainly about the relationships between two brothers.

The older brother at any costs, protects his younger brother and does what he can to guarantee the younger brother is sent back home.

Sometimes the cost of sending the younger brother back is so great that the younger brother hates himself.  He feels like he is the reason his brother is changing.

It shows how narrow-minded we can be when we are put in a high position and asked to make sound decisions about the whole.

At the same time, it shows how faithful we can be to family regardless of which side we end on, whether it is the North or the South.

Ratings:

5/5

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