FB Status Update: Awkward Mother/Son Moments

My mom loves sales/deals, so when she goes to CVS and notices a dirt cheap deal she buys it. She doesn’t wonder if she needs. Nope can’t pass up on a good deal.

Today she buys 5 things. Doesn’t know what they do, because she can’t read English. She just buys it, comes home, and asks me:

Mom: Hey Thao, what do these things do?
Me: Well this is vitamins, this is for rashes, this is a type of lotion, this is for coughs, and this is … this is for …

I realize that she just bought K-Y Sensitive Jelly and the instructions say: “Apply desired amount of lubricant to your intimate areas. Reapply as needed. Close after use. May be applied to outside of condom surface to help reduce irritation caused by vaginal dryness. Compatible with latex condoms ONLY.”

I’m thinking inside my head, “Great! Just Great … this is the the last thing I want to talk to my mom about. Lubricant, intimate areas, condoms … definitely not the words I use in any of my day-to-day conversations with my mom.”

So my problem is I know exactly what product does. I just have trouble using those words with my mom.

I’m sure there are mom/sons out there who are quite comfortable talking about all this stuff. I for one am not.

So I try to be as ambiguous as possible. I’m planning on not having to use those exact words and hopefully she gets it.

So I say, “Uhm, yeh, this is a type of lotion that you use down there. It helps when people are somewhat dry in the area.”

I shut up and pray to God that she gets it.

She gets it, she nods and walks away.

My last thought as she is walking away is, “Pleasssseeeee don’t ask me if I need it. Pleasssssseeeee.”

Because she always so giving and generous with her products. Most of the time I’m grateful. This time I just want the discussion of lubricants to be over with.

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