Tag Archives: fart

A History Of Flatulence

Definition of Flatulence – flatus expelled through the anus, breaking wind, farting (wikipedia)



Blue Pill or Red Pill?

In the movie Matrix, Morpheus presents Neo with the following proposition:

“You take the blue pill, the story ends.  You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.  You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

I too was presented with a similar choice.

The only difference was my pill was neither blue nor red.



Two-Some

In California, I have a pretty bad reputation because of my gas-passing ability.

In a room full of strangers, my cousin can detect my gas from another’s.  He knows it like the back of his hand.

Another one of my cousin from California, recently told me this, “I miss your farts.”

Really?  Of everything that I am and can do, this is what you remember me by?

Our deep conversations over boba?  Nope.  My infectious laughter?  Nah.  Tearing up the floor with my dance moves?  Never.

In certain people’s mind, I’m just a big, stanky, burst of hot air.

Speaking of the cousin that missed my farts, here’s one of our cherished moments.

My cousin was in his room watching TV.

I walked in sat down and let one out.  (This may sound like a douche bag thing to do, but I seriously didn’t have the urge until I sat down.  Sometimes you don’t feel it, until you’re in a particular position and suddenly the stars are aligned.)

After a couple of seconds, he looked up, pulled his shirt over his nose and said, “Did you fart?”

I was in a very playful mood, so I kept my face straight and said, “No!!!  Did you?”

Now this threw him off.  He’s not sure if he did fart or not.  I mean as far as he could remember he didn’t fart, but he wasn’t 100% confident of that, so that stalled him for awhile.

In the mean time, I thought about the whole situation.  Two people in a room.  One farts, the other one smells it.  It shouldn’t take this long to figure out who did it right?

I couldn’t control myself anymore and started giggling at him.

My cousin caught on and proceeded to bombard me with anything he could get his hands on.



Three-Some

I was in a meeting with three of my co-workers.
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FB Status Update: Wrongly Accused

Yesterday, decided to go shower.

Grabbed my clothes and dropped them in the bathroom.

Realized, I needed to look up something on internet so went out again.

Dad roamed into the same bathroom. Potty time.

After he leaves, I give it a good 30 mins for the odor to dissipate.

Walk in and realized my clothes disappeared …

“Did I bring it out when I checked my internet?”

Checked my laptop, no clean clothes.

“Hmm, maybe my dad thought it was dirty clothes and threw it in the hamper.”

Checked hamper, no clean clothes.

Checked my room, no clean clothes.

Checked my lil’ bro Nghia Nguyen’s room, found my clean clothes.

Got me thinking.

Apparently, my dad assumed that since the clothes were on the ground in the bathroom THAT they must be dirty.

And then he thought, who in the house leaves dirty clothes laying around the floor all the time?

Obviously, not Thao (me). He is too neat, tedious, and mature.

Has to be Nghia. Only that son could be capable of such monstrosity. I should dis-own. That will teach him to throw dirty laundry on the floor.

Why can’t he be more like Thao!

(Since we are on the topic of being wrongly accused. Last week, I took Nghia to the hospital when he told me, “Something smells weird in your car. Did you fart?” I really appreciate the fact that you attribute all un-identifable, weird-smelling stank to me. I AM capable of exuding pleasant aroma. I just choose not to exude it.)

#GuiltyUntilProvenInnocent
#JumpingToConclusions
#DirtyLaundry
#UnidentifiableSmells
#NoIDidNotFart

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