Tag Archives: time

What You Do With Money Reveals Who You Are

Me and my cousin TA were diving into various monetary topics such as tipping, spending habits, and power control issues during my birthday outing.  We briefly touched on the topic what you do with money reveals who you are.  I had some more alone time and this is what I came up with.

  1. For people who work, money serves as a counter of how much time, energy, and other sacrifices they you have accumulated in the past.  Money is usually used to fulfill their needs.

  2. For some workers, work is meaningful and therefore money serves as a bonus to what they inherently enjoy doing.  There are doctors out there who enjoy helping others so much that they would still stick with the profession, even if their salary is halved.  They are in it because of the meaningful work, money is secondary.  Of course, there are those who would change profession if they knew they would only be making half.

  3. For others, where passion is absent from work, money serves as an investment into a better or different future.  People who work meaningless hours at the local gas station, in hopes of saving up and one day starting their own restaurant belong to this category.  They put up with things they don’t enjoy now, so one day they can be able to do what they enjoy.

  4. Some people put up with work so others around them can reap the benefits of having stable income to support their lives.  Most parents who start out with nothing, don’t have a choice in what they want to do.  They put up with doing dirty, physically straining, low-paying jobs that no one else wants.  All the time they wasted on doing something they don’t enjoy is actually an investment into the future of their own kids.

  5. People who gamble have the belief that they can multiply the amount of money they have.  No one walks into a casino thinking that they will probably lose all the cash they brought.  There is even the chance that they will lose even more than what they intended to gamble with.  For one person to walk as a winner, there will probably be multiple others that must walk out as the loser.  Everyone wants to be the winner, yet the number of people who lose always outnumbers the number of people who lose.  For some reason, they are unconscious to this.

  6. People who are handed money, don’t see meaning in the things they buy.  With someone else’s money, they can buy anything they want.  Anything they want is easily thrown away because it was so easily attained.  There is no need to cherish or be grateful for something that they gave up nothing for.  If they lose something, they can always buy another one without putting out anything.  They only need to put out their hand and a rich mom or dad will provide more money.

  7. People who take other’s money, are extremely short-sighted.  They only see what they could do with that money.  When you take someone else’s money, its like unleashing a demon that will haunt you.  People will investigate, they will become suspicious of you, they will want to know the truth.  They will be relentless, they will demand justice, and they will raise their guard.  They won’t forget.  If you take money and it becomes public knowledge, you have essentially closed all doors to a bright future.

  8. People who borrow another’s money and return it, are opportunists.  They see borrowing money as an opportunity to help them out of a rut.  They see it as an opportunity to take advantage of a prosperous business endeavor.  Regardless, of whether the borrowed money serves it’s purpose or not, returning it strengthens the relationship between you and the lender.  Whether it be a bank or a rich relative, when you own up to what you say, you build credit for the future.  A friend is more likely to let you borrow $1,000 down the road, when in the past you have been good on repaying the $500 you owed them.

  9. People who borrow another’s money and don’t return it, are slowly burning down all the bridges in their life.  Every single time you borrow someone’s money and don’t return it, you have closed off that person from your life.  You don’t want to see them, because you don’t have any money to pay them back.  Every time you do see each other, it’s the one thing that will be on top of everyone’s mind.  Conversations may start on any topic, but it will always end on “where’s the money you promised to pay back?”  Your relationship has been put on hold until you can pay them back.  No meaningful conversations, life experiences, or memories will be created between you two until you have fulfilled your promise.

  10. People who lend out money to help others, transforms the lending process into a charitable act.  They realize that their money does more good in the hands of others as opposed to having the money just sit there in the bank.  They enjoy lives of plenty and prosperity, and wish the same outcome to all those around them.  They hope that with some extra cash, you can start walking down the path of your own dreams.

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Hereditary Habits

Besides passing along certain genes to you as a parent, they also pass on habits to you. This is done easily because as a child you grow up looking up to your parents.  For most of your life, they are the only model you have to base your own actions and reactions by.

This is both good and bad, because as a parent they would love for you to pickup on everything they do positively.  At the same time, they would love for you not to pick up on everything they do negatively.  The interesting thing is they can’t program you to do only one.

As much as your parents would love to assume that you didn’t hear them cuss during the traffic jam.  Or see you lie to your spouse about how much you spent at the store today.  You, as a child see all of this, and in one way or another it gets programmed into your mind.

You absorb it all, both good and bad habits.  Many people just accept the fact that they have all these traits which most likely came from being around their parents.  While others absolutely hate it and will even go to the opposite extreme of the habit.

For example, let’s say your mom is a hoarder.  She hoards everything from clothes, to food, to plastic containers and even old electronic devices.  You grow up with absolutely no space for your own and nothing but antique electronics that no one in their right mind would want.

You develop a mindset that is the complete opposite of your mom.  “Why do I need so many things and why can’t I be happy with nothing.”  “I never want to grow up being like my mom.”

Suddenly you start to categorize yourself as a minimalist.  You don’t need anything.  Just the bare essentials.

And you start shunning anyone who you deem to possess hoarding traits.  “I grew up with a hoarding mom my whole life and was miserable because of it.  I’m not going to re-live that nightmare with you.”

You expect the whole world to embrace this new you.  Who is actually created from the interacting with your mother your whole life.  The new you is based on the opposite of who your mother is.

In general, pertaining to our parent’s habits, we will do one of three things:

  1. Accept them as who we are and just let their habits be our habits.
  2. Not accept them, push them away, hate it, and even go to the opposite extreme of the habit.
  3. Become oblivious to it and not even notice it having an effect on us.  For some it may still have an effect, despite their lack of knowledge of the habits.

Personally, I recommend none of these options.  My recommendation is trying to find a happy medium between who your parents’ habits and the extreme opposite of the habit.

Being a hoarder does has it’s positive.  Why else would your mother do it?  People actually recommend buying products in bulk, storing them at home, and using them as needed.

Buying in bulk saves you money because they are usually priced cheaper then individual packaged items.  Buying in bulk also saves you time and gas from all the visits you would’ve made to the store had you gotten the items in individual packages.

At the same time, being a minimalist also has benefits to it too.  You never buy things that end up in your closet or garage like the newest exercise machine that promises to make you look like a super model.  Money and space is saved.

The goal is to embrace both sides and learn when is the best time to apply each habit.  Living on a budget, it’s not wise to buy things cheap, hoard them at home, and never use them.  At the same time, as a business owner you can’t expect revenue to come in when you’re not willing to spend money on marketing and re-modeling.

There is a reason and a season for everything in life.  It is up to you to make the best out of what is given to you.  And what is given to most of us is hereditary habits.

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Cheating Husband

Yeahhhhh … time to bash on men.

I’m actually not qualified to give advice on relationships, but when asked, I will give my two cents.

A friend recently came up to me and told me she caught her husband cheating on her.

She came home from work early, walked into her bedroom and found him with another woman on their bed.

She then grabbed all her stuff, moved out, and now they are living separately.

Her life is a complete mess.  Family and friends keep on telling her she needs to divorce the man.  Finances and bills are slowly catching up, now that they both pay separately for all expenses instead of sharing them like before.  She’s thinking of quitting work, but knows that will only make things worse.

Of course she feels hurt, betrayed, and disrespected, but deep down she hopes that both her and her husband can grow together from this incident.

She says that her husband has a history of cheating.  He’s never cheated on her before, but in previous relationships he has cheated.  He once used her to cheat on someone else.  When she found out, she broke it off and they never talked for like 2-3 years.

Now, they’ve been married for 5 years.  Not all of them happily though, but the blame shouldn’t be placed all on him.

For the past year, they have just been co-existing together.  There’s no words exchanged, no physical embraces, nothing that might resemble a healthy relationship.

She feels she is partly responsible for this void and thinks that he reached out to another woman because of this void in their relationship.

What hurts even more is the woman that he cheated on her with is a mutual friend.

She has been suspecting of them being up to something.  Texting and calling each other whenever they can.  Catching them playing footsies under the table, which he denies and say’s “It was just an accident.”  Him getting another phone, so she can’t track all his calls and texts.

She even made him agree not to see/talk to her anymore when she felt it was getting out of hand.

They still found a way to see each other though.

Their mutual friend also has a history of cheating.  She has jeopardized other people’s marriages too.  She’s even tried to make it work by being the “3rd” person in the relationship.  That obviously failed in the end.

She asks me, “What does it mean when a guy says give me time and space?”

I told her, “If it was me, I’d need that just to think things through and make sure what I intend to say to you is what I really want.  But in his case, it could be an excuse for him to keep on cheating.”

Then she asks, “Do you think I should try to make this work?”

I told her, “Honestly, I think he will cheat on you again.  He has a history of it.  And you even confronted him about the early flirting and he still couldn’t control himself.  I say let him go.”

He tells her that he doesn’t want to see her right now, but still wants to talk to her on the phone.

She says that in order for them to move on from this, the adulteress needs to be completely out of the picture from here on.

She says that she feels like he’s just waiting for her to file a divorce.

She says she will if he doesn’t try to make things better.

He has until the end of this year to make things better.

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