Tag Archives: wrong

Not Even Here

I’ve been hanging with my friends often.

And more than once, someone has said following to me:

“You know, I don’t even notice you are here man.

It’s like you’re not even here.

You okay man?”



And I usually answer with:

“Yeh, I’m perfectly fine, nothing wrong here.”

With a big smile.

They usually go back to talking and socializing with everyone.

And I go back to my own reserved, quiet self.



I’m reading this book called “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle.

It says that everyone is trying so hard to stand out and differentiate themselves from everybody else.

We are obsessed with wearing the newest brands.

We try to get into exclusive events.

We strive to be the center of everyone’s attention.



There’s nothing wrong with feeling special and different, because everyone is special and different.

But when it becomes compulsive and you start to feel inferior when others don’t notice you.

Then perhaps there is a problem lurking beneath the surface.

The author prescribes the following to remedy the incessant need to always standout.

Do the opposite of standing out.



Blend in, don’t try so hard to stand out, be there without drawing attention to you.

The trick is to do it willingly.

There will be a part of you that rebels and say’s this is wrong.

It will make you feel extremely uncomfortable.

It won’t allow you to just blend it.



Of course you will meet resistance.

You’ve spent your whole life being brain-washed by everyone that standing out is better than blending in.

All that thinking become habitualized.

Your job is to program your brain to think otherwise.

And that just means continuous repetition of the newest message, until that too becomes a habit.



The power in willingly wanting to blend in communicates the following message:

That it is perfectly fine not to stand out all the time.

That you are loved just the way you are whether everyone is giving you attention or not.

That you being who you are right now is perfect, without the need of trying to be more.

Everything is already good and even if I don’t do anything at this moment, everything will continue to be good.



This is what I’ve been practicing in the company of friends.

Just being quiet until I’m spoken to.

Not needing to dominate the conversation with others to show how knowledgeable I am.

Allowing others to have their moment in the spotlight without feeling inferior or envious of them.

Being okay with losing an argument, even if it make me look bad in front of people I think highly of.



In the end, what this looks live from the outside is me not even there.

But inside, I am there.

I know exactly what’s happening on the outside and the inside.

I can freely choose to communicate without needing to stand out.

If the situation doesn’t require anything of me, I’m perfectly fine with just blending in.



It’s okay to stand out.

But it is equally okay to not stand out.

It shouldn’t be a sin to blend in.

But it can be a sin, if we make it into our own personal sin.

We are always love-able whether we decide to stand out or blend in.

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Runaway With You, John

I have a tendency to say the most inappropriate things in the most inappropriate context.

My intentions are always good, pure, and appropriate in my mind.

Always.

Yet, when it leaves my mouth, somehow it becomes misconstrued.

Take for example, “I wish John was here. Sometimes I wished I could just runaway with him.”



Of course, if you just heard this I can picture your reaction as being:

“Are you gay? Why do you want to runaway with John?”

“And what exactly are you two running away from? The pressures of a straight community?”

Then, I could tell you that John is actually a little kid that’s only 7 years old …



Then you would say:

“Are you planning a kidnap? Should I report the authorities? This sounds so wrong on so many levels.”

“Who is John’s parents? I need to warn them of you.”

Then, I could tell you that John’s mom was in the car with me. She is my friend. And no I did not kidnap her.

(I can remember John’s mom reaction being very silent. Perhaps she was contemplating on whether to call the authorities or not.)



I do remember my cousin Tram Anh voicing her thoughts though:

“Did you just say you want to run away with John?”

Yes I did.

“Yeh, cuz I could’ve sworn you just said … WHAT?!? Why would you say something like that. He’s a little kid.”

Of course, that’s when I realized what I just said doesn’t sound that great to the public’s ears.



This is what was going through my head before I said “I wish John was here …”:

“Oh my gosh, TA and John’s mom are such good friends and have so many things to talk about. Sometimes, I feel like a third wheel.”

“I wonder why John wasn’t invited this time. Last time when he was here, I didn’t mind that TA and John’s mom had a million things to talk about.”

“I was too busy running around with John, playing tag and hide-n-seek. I wish John was here. I should tell them how I feel …”

And of course, you know the rest of the story.



Perhaps this is the reason why guys never ever share their feelings and inner thoughts.

Because it always comes out the wrong way.

In my head, I pictured running around and playing with the little guy.

Outside of my head, I sound like I wanted to kidnap the kid and eventually end up on the 9 o’clock news.

Not cool. Not cool at all.

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Right Vs Wrong

Everybody who is anybody believes that they are right.

And in order for them to be right, somebody has to be wrong.

It’s a given. Two sides of every coin.

Most of us can’t argue w/ facts, so anyone who knows their facts is on pretty solid ground.

But facts can change too.

People once believed the world is flat. Well it’s not flat, it’s round.
People once believed that atoms are solid. Atoms are mostly made out of empty space.
People once believed that space travel is impossible. Now space travel is very possible.

Our world is always changing. What we hold true and to be non-debatable fact one day has the potential to be something different another day.

That is life.

So what’s the point of trying so hard to be right?



Right/Wrong thinking encourages everyone to be close minded.

“I’m right, you’re wrong. No more discussion.”

“There is only one way to do this and only I have the key.”

“You have to choose between yes/no. There is no in between.”

To be right all the time takes enormous energy and your constantly under pressure. You can’t relax or you might falter and make a mistake.

What’s so wrong with being wrong from time to time?

It proves that you are human.

Being right all the times means you are perfect.

Perfection is no fun, when its all the time.



Sometimes people are so stuck on being right that it ruins their relationship.

People are so obsessed on being so right, that they would rather lose out on a relationship.

“I don’t care if you want to leave me. You know that I’m right on this argument.”

To them being right is more important than maintaining the relationship.



Religions are famous for Right/Wrong thinking.

“I’m right. You guys are wrong.”

“Do what I say and you will prosper and go to heaven. Don’t do what I say and you will suffer and go to hell.”

“I know what I’m talking about. Everyone else doesn’t.”

In a way, religions have done a better job at alienating others then they have in including people.

People have been persecuted based on religious beliefs. Wars have been justified because of religion. Families have been separated because of religious beliefs.

I’m not saying religion is bad.

All I’m saying when you look back at the history of religion, you can’t help but wonder “Where is the love?”



What people don’t realize is that Right/Wrong thinking is responsible crimes, wars, and injustice in the world.

The Vietnamese Communists believed that they are right and that everyone is wrong. They are not open to the fact that perhaps communism isn’t good for the whole country. They won’t consider what the majority want, but only what the select few are interested in. They are closed off and nothing is up for debate.

Hitler firmly believed that he was right and everyone was wrong. He persecuted all Jews. Took over neighboring nations. Established concentration camps that de-humanized men, women, girls, and boys. It took the whole world to intervene with physical force to set Hitler in his place.

Evil happens when people always think they are right and no one every challenges them. Discussion is closed. There is only one way. Many have to suffer in order for a few to prosper.



Good happens when people are humble enough to admit that they may be wrong and they are constantly being challenged by others. Discussions are open. There can be many ways to do it and you have the option to chose the best one. Everybody works hard, but everyone also benefits.

Since right/wrong can change from moment to moment, why put so much time, energy, and effort in who is right/wrong.

If I admit that I was wrong for stealing, I allow change to happen. I admit my fault and welcome discussion on how we all can contribute to my success.

If I keep on coming up w/ excuses on why its ok to steal. Sooner or later my past catches up to me. I get into deep trouble that may be impossible to right.

Its ok to be right. Its also ok to be wrong.

Let’s just not get too obsessed about it that we become closed to what the world is trying to tell us.

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