No Regrets

Me and my brother Nghia was driving down to Houston over the weekend and he asked me the following question:  “If you could change one thing about your past, what would it be?”

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Now that’s a really tough question to answer on the spot.

First of all, it’s based on the assumption that we made plenty of stupid decisions.  Decisions we wish we could take back.  Decisions that steered us away from what we wanted at that time.

For example, for my nephew’s birthday, I thought it would be a wise decision to cut watermelon while I was drunk and trying to carry a conversation with my cousin Audrey.  Half-way through our discussion, I missed the watermelon and instantly cut into something else that colored the knife red.  (Now I know why you shouldn’t operate heavy machinery while you’re intoxicated.)

Of course, I am guilty of mistakes during all parts of my life.  Who isn’t?

The second assumption is that once we change something significant about our past, something significant about our present should also change.

This kind of thinking puts you in passenger seat of your life, instead of being in the driver’s seat.  You are pretty much admitting that you have no power or influence in your life.  If your life is so horrible right now, why don’t you change something about it?

Another fallacy in this way of thinking is you may judge that one mistake to be monumental, but in the grand scheme of things it was really insignificant.  Therefore by changing something insignificant about your past, you end up with the same present that you’re discontent with.

Here’s a hypothetical scenario.  You regret losing one of your past loves.  You were jealous and accused them of cheating on you.  It destroyed your relationship.  And ever day since, you wondered what could have been, if you had done otherwise.  So you make that wish.  Wishing that jealously would no longer be an issue.  And once you open your eyes expecting to be next to your lover again, you aren’t.  For some reason, that wasn’t enough.  Perhaps jealousy was just the tip of the iceberg.  Perhaps the relationship was destined to end regardless of how you acted.

Another way a wish could go wrong is if we wished something away that was actually an important aspect of your life.

The Traffic Lights Are Out To Get Me

My friend recently posted this on facebook, “When you’re in a freakin’ rush, all the damn traffic lights seems to be going against you!  Arggg!!”

Which is both funny and true at the same time.

I think the main reason you feel it is going against you is because you want so badly for it to be green.

The longer it takes to be green, the more you feel it is resisting your wants.

The reality of the situation is that the traffic light neither likes or dislikes you.   It isn’t purposely going against you today, just to annoy you.

It’s actually very fair.  The moment it goes against you, it’s actually allow someone else to go.  And the moment it allows you to go, it’s going against someone else who is in a rush by giving them the red light.

We just feel victimized in that moment, because we are trying so hard to get to our destination and only notice all these stupid obstacles (red lights) in our way.

There are many ways around getting frustrated at red lights …

1. Plan accordingly.  If you’re not late, why would you rush?  Give yourself some extra time.  Know yourself.  If you always come 10 mins late, next time why not leave 10 mins earlier to counteract your 10 mins lateness.  What’s wrong with being there early?  Oh yeah, you have to wait for them.  Then what’s wrong with waiting for them?  You feel like time is wasted?  If they aren’t important enough for you to wait for them, perhaps you shouldn’t even be there in the first place.
2. Don’t Rush.  Sh*t happens I know and you can’t plan for everything.  Still don’t rush.  I mean, do all you can, but in the end … everyone is known to be late one time or another.  Sometimes when you are rushing, it actually causes you to be more late … Such as speeding and getting a ticket.  Or running a red light and getting into a car accident.  Getting their on time isn’t worth risking your life.
3. Reschedule.  People are understanding.  People make mistakes.  People have a calendar with tons of free space.  You could be in the next open slot.  I’d rather reschedule then waste my time waiting for you stuck in traffic … again!