Four Seasons Of Loneliness

Fall

 

A Leaf

A leaf hangs on a tree,

swaying back and forth.  She wonders to herself,

“Why is she stuck here?”  “Why can’t she be free like the birds?”

“The only thing I have to look forward to is dying and falling to the ground to die.”

“Is there nothing more to my life than this?”  As if to answer her, a strong gust of wind blows her off the tree.

It sweeps her high into the sky.  It blows her through the forest.  It carries her pass the lake.

And just when she thought it would never end.  The wind dies out.

She slowly drifts to the soft ground, her final resting place.

She rots away with all the other leaves.

A big smile on her face.

 

Winter

 

A dove flies by.  He sees a leaf.  He scoops

it up. He heads back home.  Where his friends wait.

The dove spots his friends, the jay and the wren.

Jay takes the leaf, wren welcomes the dove home.

Jay rushes to their nest, patching it up.

With the new leaf, their home is warm. Their nest

is done.  They sing, they cheer, they dance, they laugh.

 

Jay wishes she could fly too.  If she could

She would help dove do some of the hard work.

Dove said that all jays have trouble flying.

Jay would be putting her life in danger.

Wren says it’s best to stay here safe and sound.

Jay nods her head.  All is perfect.  Why mess

it up?  What is there to gain by flying?

 

All the birds go to sleep.  Dove and wren wake

up in the middle of the night.  They go

outside to admire the sky full of stars.

Wren says if I could fly, I would touch all

the stars.  Dove laughs.  Wren asks what’s so funny?

You can fly, so can jay.  All birds can fly.

Wren says why did you tell us we could not?

 

Dove explains, with you it’s simple.  I know

how much you enjoy staying home.  With Jay,

it’s something else.  She has a bad sense of

direction.  She would get lost.  Clumsiness

is also an issue.  Wren says jay can

be very clumsy, she tripped over her

own legs yesterday.  They both laugh out loud.

 

A small creak made both of them turn around.

Wren asks, did you hear that sound?  Yeah I did.

Maybe it was just the cold wind blowing.

Wren says, yeah that’s probably it.  They turn

around and continue talking again.

Back in the home, jay quietly goes back

to sleep.  Tears are dripping from her own face.

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Things I Learned From Ultimate Duo Queue

A couple of weeks back, I had the opportunity to attend my cousin Sam’s wedding in California.

I grew up with Sam, but I don’t remember much about him growing up.  All the memories I do have of him centered around video games.  Before working for Riot Games, he played games whenever he could.  He competed in professional gaming tournaments.  Many of the adults in his life dissuaded him, saying that he was wasting his life on video games.

When he joined Riot Games, he proved to everyone that you could do video games for a living.

Sam started from the bottom of Riot Games.  He helped out with player support.  Then he moved up to network operations.  Then he transitioned to assistant release manager.  Everywhere he went in Riot Games, he made life-long friends.

One of these life-long friends is Jing.

Now I don’t know much about Jing.  Even before I attended their wedding, I had only met Jing a couple of times.  Everything about Jing was a mystery to me.  I didn’t know how they met, nor did I know why they loved each other so much.

With the arrival of “Ultimate Duo Queue” all these questions would be answered.

On facebook, they had titled their wedding “Ultimate Duo Queue:  Sam & Jing are gettin’ married!”  For those of you who don’t play the game League of Legends, the term “ultimate duo queue” may seem strange as a title for a wedding.

I assure you, it is a fitting description.

In the game League of Legends, players who wish to play the game, get entered into a queue to wait for 9 other players to play with.  You’re going to get placed on a team of four random strangers and then asked to compete against another team consisting of five other strangers.

You don’t always have to play alone though.  If you have a friend to play with, you can duo queue.

This means that you both get entered into the queue together and this time the game will find 3 other players for you.  Duo queue ensures you guys don’t get separated into different queues.  You get to experience everything in the game together.  You either win together or lose together.

Duo queue is a partnership between two friends.  In this way, marriage can be described as ultimate duo queue.

Now, I will share with you all the things I learned from “Ultimate Duo Queue”.

#1.  Be Open To Change

During the wedding, Cory made a speech to congratulate Sam & Jing.  Cory is Sam’s best-friend since childhood.  In her speech, she describes how growing up, she used to call Sam “Ototo” and Sam would call Cory “Oneisan”.  Ototo means little brother in Japanese and Onesian means older sister.  These nicknames stuck because within their friendship, Cory was the sensible and caring one while Sam was the care-free and spontaneous one.

As they both grew older, the dynamics within their friendship changed.

Sam started to accumulate new life experiences by venturing out into the great unknown, while Cory stuck to what was safe and comforting.  Cory started to ask questions about life, while Sam shared his new found understanding of the world in order to help shed some light.  Cory no longer had to look after Sam.  Sam looked after himself and he also started to look after Cory too.

They both transitioned into new roles without missing a beat.

In general, people resist change.  Change is scary, especially when you’ve already settled down.  Change in power is even more unsettling.  Not many people can go from I’m in charge to I’ll let you be in charge.  People who take care of others, rarely accept other’s care in return.  They feel like they should be above it.  That by accepting help, they would no longer be qualified to help others anymore.

Change can be a scary thing.  That’s why it’s so nice to see people who are brave enough to accept it.

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Extroverted Introverts

One of my facebook friends recently posted this online article called “18 Struggles of Having An Outgoing Personality But Actually Being Shy & Introverted“.

After reading the article, I felt certain points rang true for me.

“#17. You prefer to travel alone, but meet up with people once you’re there.”

  • Every single month, I try to visit my sister in Houston.  At the end of this year, I plan on driving to California (a total of 21 hours of driving) all by myself.  As an introvert, I don’t view long road trips as a daunting or dreadful task.  I look forward to them and try to make the drive as enjoyable as can be, by burning some new songs, downloading some new audiobooks, or making some few scenic stops along the way.

“#16. You’re at your happiest in places like coffee shops and cafés: surrounded by people, but still closed off and keeping to yourself.”

  • I always bring my headphones while I’m at Starbucks.  That way, I can be around a full coffee shop and still feel excluded.  I frequent Starbucks at least once a week and always feel productive when I’m there.  I guess a small part of me enjoys seeing people coming and going.  And a big part of me revels in the seclusion that is promised to me while I drown myself in my music.

  “#7. Dating is weird, because you’re smiling and laughing and talkative at dinner, and then you don’t want to answer their texts for four days, because like, you just want to be left alone…”

  • My alone time can sometimes be mis-interpreted as a lack of interest in the opposite sex.  I remember my last girlfriend wanted to break up with me because she didn’t even feel like we were dating.  I guess I enjoyed my alone time too much.  There are times where I get too comfortable in my personal space, that I forget about the other person.

“#4. When you do choose to grace a party with your presence, you are the life of it. You’re dancing on the table and doing body shots until 3 a.m.”

“# 5. … You then retreat into three days of complete solitude to recover.”

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A Love Story…

A friend asked me to post this on my blog.

No, I didn’t write this.

No, the guy in this story isn’t me.

Nor am I the girl in this story.

Therefore I don’t want to hear from anyone through facebook, phone calls, or texts saying “How sorry you are for my loss”  or “How you too know how it feels to go through a break-up” and then proceed to share your most recent heartbreak story with me.

You have been warned.



A Love Story…

You may not know me, I am only one of the billions on this earth and even though there are many other amazing stories out there, I believe to my last breath that you will only come across the one I’m about to tell you, once…

I was never good around girls. Being too shy to even speak to friends didn’t help that fact either. That’s why I consider myself lucky for having met the most wonderful girl in the world…

I was an idiot that couldn’t see the signs that she liked me, but thanks to her persistence we wouldn’t be here now.

So, here is my love story. It all started with a Kiss…

I don’t know if she recalls… It was after all, out of the blue

She asked if I could drive her to work one night. I agreed and dropped her off in front of her workplace. We held hands the whole way there. And then I remember… For that split second before leaving my car. She gave me a quick peck on the cheek.

She may not have known… To her it may have been a simple thank you gesture. But that kissed made me the happiest guy alive at that moment. I couldn’t help but smile all the way home.

I snuck out later that night at 3am. Being as quiet as possible. Eager to go and pick her up…

On the ride back to her house. She hugged my arm the entire way. And I had to question, Was she into me? And if she was.. I thought. Why me? But really I didn’t care. I just was lost in that moment… and everything changed that next day.

On the First date…

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Introverts Unite!

I saw this pic on reddit a few weeks back.  (reddit post link)

 

 

Reading the captions made me giggle.  Thinking of how silly introverts are.  Uniting separately in their own homes.  Hehe.

The humor slowly faded when I realized that I am also an introvert.



Introverts + Strangers

As an introvert, I see social gatherings as a challenge.  It takes tremendous willpower, courage, and motivation to get me to go somewhere with a bunch of strangers.  Especially if the expectation at the event is that you should mingle with everyone there.

The way I feel about meeting strangers is similar to people’s mindset when dealing with someone who has the plague.  There is a distaste in your mouth.  Your stomach feels queasy.  You try to keep a distance from them.

With the plague, people have a good reason to act like this.  But with an introvert like myself, what am I so afraid of catching?

If anything, I might catch their infectious enthusiasm, humor, or wisdom.  There’s plenty of awesome people out there who I have yet to meet.

Yet when I’m at an event I always revert to my introverted self.

Perhaps I’m afraid of what people may think of me once we start talking.  At least if I keep to myself, I’ll always be a mystery to them.

Perhaps I have a limit on how many relationships I can juggle at once.  With more people, even if they are just acquaintances, it overburdens my emotional capacity.  Since I’m an introvert and only have a few quality relationships, I go out of my way to protect those few that I do have.  I know how hard it would be to find another one.  So I push others away, to ensure the health of my current relationships.

Perhaps I am a control freak when it comes to my personal space.  At home, I can re-arrange things how I like it.  Everything is predictable when I’m by myself.  Out there, not so much.  I have less control in the real world.  People tend to do things that I least expect.  And I find that extremely intimidating.



Introverts + Family & Friends

I don’t really mind going to places where I know most of the people there like family get-togethers or parties with friends.

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