“Money Power Issues Within Relationships”

1. Went to grab Starbucks with my friend and he shared his thoughts on the topic of the power to control money within a relationship.He mentioned that within any relationship there is usually two polar opposites that usually work with or against each other when it comes to money.

2. He said that he enjoys having control over money.  If it was up to him, he would control all the financial decisions within his family.  His dad is very easy going when it comes to money.  His mom exerts some control over the money within the household.  I asked him, “What’s the point of having a hand in all your family’s financial dealings?”.  He said, “I know it’s their money and they have a right to spend it anyway they want, but sometimes I wished they had talked it over with me first.  When they hold the money, I can disagree but they can still go through it.  When I have control over the money, when I disagree with their decision, I have the power to delay/stop the spending.”

3. He said he could never be with someone who has a Type-A personality like his.  Someone who is hands on when it comes to money.  He believes that being with another Type-A personality would just cause conflict.  Both would be too convinced that their way of budgeting and spending is the right way.

4. He said he knew a couple who were both raking in the dough.  Each wanted to do things their own way.  No one would consult the other, on how their impulse decision to buy something would affect their overall budget.  As a result, each month they barely make it by even thought they each bring in more than six-figures a year.

5. I asked him, “How do couples determine who will be the leader in financial decisions and who will be the follower?”  He said, “Most of the time, it’s pre-determinded by who brings home the bacon.  If the husband works and the wife stays home, most of the time he exerts control over the money.  I’m sure there are circumstances where the husband will relinquish control to his wife.  But if the husband was adamant about keeping the control, it’s tough for the wife to argue because she didn’t earn the money.”

6. He shared the following, “I know a couple.  He is a successful entrepreneur.  His wife quit working at a department store because he easily provided for all their expenses.  Once they started to live together, she would go out and buy things for their house.  More times than not, the husband would always complain about her wasting money on things that were unnecessary.  She felt powerless and put up little resistance.  She eventually made the decision to go back to work again, not because they needed the money.  She was just tired of him bickering about how she spent his money.  Now that she is working, she can spend her money anyway she wants.”

7. I then asked him, “What kind personality do I have, type-A or type-B?”  He responded, “You’re neither, or rather you’re a lil’ of both.  On one side you do a good job of saving and planning for the future.  On the other side, you don’t really mind if someone else were in charge.  You’d just go along just as long as you trusted that person who made the financial decisions for you.  When it comes to money, not everyone is considered entirely type-A or type-B, even though there are people like that.  You and many others lie somewhere in the continuum between type-A & type-B.”

What You Do With Money Reveals Who You Are

Me and my cousin TA were diving into various monetary topics such as tipping, spending habits, and power control issues during my birthday outing.  We briefly touched on the topic what you do with money reveals who you are.  I had some more alone time and this is what I came up with.

1. For people who work, money serves as a counter of how much time, energy, and other sacrifices they you have accumulated in the past.  Money is usually used to fulfill their needs.

2. For some workers, work is meaningful and therefore money serves as a bonus to what they inherently enjoy doing.  There are doctors out there who enjoy helping others so much that they would still stick with the profession, even if their salary is halved.  They are in it because of the meaningful work, money is secondary.  Of course, there are those who would change profession if they knew they would only be making half.

3. For others, where passion is absent from work, money serves as an investment into a better or different future.  People who work meaningless hours at the local gas station, in hopes of saving up and one day starting their own restaurant belong to this category.  They put up with things they don’t enjoy now, so one day they can be able to do what they enjoy.

4. Some people put up with work so others around them can reap the benefits of having stable income to support their lives.  Most parents who start out with nothing, don’t have a choice in what they want to do.  They put up with doing dirty, physically straining, low-paying jobs that no one else wants.  All the time they wasted on doing something they don’t enjoy is actually an investment into the future of their own kids.

5. People who gamble have the belief that they can multiply the amount of money they have.  No one walks into a casino thinking that they will probably lose all the cash they brought.  There is even the chance that they will lose even more than what they intended to gamble with.  For one person to walk as a winner, there will probably be multiple others that must walk out as the loser.  Everyone wants to be the winner, yet the number of people who lose always outnumbers the number of people who lose.  For some reason, they are unconscious to this.

6. People who are handed money, don’t see meaning in the things they buy.  With someone else’s money, they can buy anything they want.  Anything they want is easily thrown away because it was so easily attained.  There is no need to cherish or be grateful for something that they gave up nothing for.  If they lose something, they can always buy another one without putting out anything.  They only need to put out their hand and a rich mom or dad will provide more money.

7. People who take other’s money, are extremely short-sighted.  They only see what they could do with that money.  When you take someone else’s money, its like unleashing a demon that will haunt you.  People will investigate, they will become suspicious of you, they will want to know the truth.  They will be relentless, they will demand justice, and they will raise their guard.  They won’t forget.  If you take money and it becomes public knowledge, you have essentially closed all doors to a bright future.

8. People who borrow another’s money and return it, are opportunists.  They see borrowing money as an opportunity to help them out of a rut.  They see it as an opportunity to take advantage of a prosperous business endeavor.  Regardless, of whether the borrowed money serves it’s purpose or not, returning it strengthens the relationship between you and the lender.  Whether it be a bank or a rich relative, when you own up to what you say, you build credit for the future.  A friend is more likely to let you borrow $1,000 down the road, when in the past you have been good on repaying the $500 you owed them.

9. People who borrow another’s money and don’t return it, are slowly burning down all the bridges in their life.  Every single time you borrow someone’s money and don’t return it, you have closed off that person from your life.  You don’t want to see them, because you don’t have any money to pay them back.  Every time you do see each other, it’s the one thing that will be on top of everyone’s mind.  Conversations may start on any topic, but it will always end on “where’s the money you promised to pay back?”  Your relationship has been put on hold until you can pay them back.  No meaningful conversations, life experiences, or memories will be created between you two until you have fulfilled your promise.

10. People who lend out money to help others, transforms the lending process into a charitable act.  They realize that their money does more good in the hands of others as opposed to having the money just sit there in the bank.  They enjoy lives of plenty and prosperity, and wish the same outcome to all those around them.  They hope that with some extra cash, you can start walking down the path of your own dreams.

“Always poor. Always fat.”

When you don’t believe you’re allowed to have what you have or want what you want, it doesn’t matter how much money you have in your bank account.  You are always poor.

When you are fat on the inside, you could be five feet ten and weigh 110 pounds and you’d still feel fat.  And not just feel.  You’d still believe you were fat.

~Lost & Found by Geneen Roth

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” – Anais Nin

“Telling Yourself You Can’t Have It”

“People binge on food or money because they believe they’re not supposed to eat/have what they want.  But just because you tell yourself you shouldn’t eat six pieces of bread a day doesn’t mean you stop wanting six pieces.  And the more you tell yourself you can’t have it, the more you want/think/obsess about it, the stronger the charge around the bread gets.  Soon all you can think about is needing to eat that bread.”

– Lost & Found by Geneen Roth