A History Of Flatulence

Definition of Flatulence – flatus expelled through the anus, breaking wind, farting (wikipedia)

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Blue Pill or Red Pill?

In the movie Matrix, Morpheus presents Neo with the following proposition:

“You take the blue pill, the story ends.  You wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe.  You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

I too was presented with a similar choice.

The only difference was my pill was neither blue nor red.

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Two-Some

In California, I have a pretty bad reputation because of my gas-passing ability.

In a room full of strangers, my cousin can detect my gas from another’s.  He knows it like the back of his hand.

Another one of my cousin from California, recently told me this, “I miss your farts.”

Really?  Of everything that I am and can do, this is what you remember me by?

Our deep conversations over boba?  Nope.  My infectious laughter?  Nah.  Tearing up the floor with my dance moves?  Never.

In certain people’s mind, I’m just a big, stanky, burst of hot air.

Speaking of the cousin that missed my farts, here’s one of our cherished moments.

My cousin was in his room watching TV.

I walked in sat down and let one out.  (This may sound like a douche bag thing to do, but I seriously didn’t have the urge until I sat down.  Sometimes you don’t feel it, until you’re in a particular position and suddenly the stars are aligned.)

After a couple of seconds, he looked up, pulled his shirt over his nose and said, “Did you fart?”

I was in a very playful mood, so I kept my face straight and said, “No!!!  Did you?”

Now this threw him off.  He’s not sure if he did fart or not.  I mean as far as he could remember he didn’t fart, but he wasn’t 100% confident of that, so that stalled him for awhile.

In the mean time, I thought about the whole situation.  Two people in a room.  One farts, the other one smells it.  It shouldn’t take this long to figure out who did it right?

I couldn’t control myself anymore and started giggling at him.

My cousin caught on and proceeded to bombard me with anything he could get his hands on.

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Three-Some

I was in a meeting with three of my co-workers.

“Real Estate Confessions” #HairRaisingBarks #ReModeledBathrooms #OneWitness

I hate it when I’m all alone shooting a house that feels creepy.

You’re downstairs and you hear creaks upstairs.  It’s windy outside, so it could easily be the weather acting on the infrastructure of the house.

You leave the room and door closes behind you.  Hmm.  Perhaps the hinge was installed wrong so it’s leaning towards the door.

There’s always an explanation for anything that’s creepy in this world.

But when you’re all alone in a house, sometimes you lose the ability to logically dissect a situation.

Fear is overwhelmingly strong in these cases.

I have a theory, where fear is extremely potent wave of energy that is emitted from your body.  It tends to attract that which you fear the most.

You’re scared that someone might break-up with you, they break-up with you.

You’re scared of losing a basketball game, you lose the basketball game.

You’re afraid of making a mistake during a piano recital, your performance ends up being dry.

So when I hear things in a house, I’m not sure if fear is making me extra sensitive to normal creaks within the house …

Or that the negative energy (my fear) emitting from my body is causing the noise.

I remember watching a horror movie, where the family keeps on moving from one house to another assuming that the houses are all haunted.

In the end, they realize they’re son is the one that was possessed.  They assume the problem was the house, but the problem resided inside their own family.

That could relate to me too.  I’m the only common factor in all the haunted houses I’ve visited.

It could also relate to the next haunted house I shot.

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